


secret love

by schwanenkoenigin



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Humor, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, this has mentions of Jerrie and Norminally, what a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:18:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schwanenkoenigin/pseuds/schwanenkoenigin
Summary: Why can't I say that I'm in love?I want to shout it from the rooftops*non-AU





	secret love

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello enjoy this fifth harmony fanfic that is very obviously based on a little mix song. lol. that crossover though.

"This is such fucking bullshit."

Camila sighs. She knows Lauren is angry. She gets it. Honestly? She is, too. Because, really, who wouldn't be? It's a mess. Everything's all over the place. Their feelings, their public feud. That's right, the one that's entirely made up. Their alleged hating each other. They haven't been able to catch a break in months, and it's slowly killing them. Their friendship. Their relationship. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Honestly, Camz..." Lauren trails off. For a minute or two, no words are spoken, and the only sound Camila hears is the girl's breathing. It tells her she's extremely upset. Which is– it's not unusual lately. "I don't think it's a good idea. If anyone notices you're staying at the same hotel as us, we're–"

"–screwed," Camila finishes. "Yeah, yeah, I know. It's getting old." She lets out a breathless chuckle that really, truly isn't meant to sound like she finds any of this funny. "You're right, this is crap." A hand leaves her thigh to run through her dark hair. Shaking her head, she makes a decision. "I'm coming over."

"Camz, no– this is just going to–" the girl tries to be reasonable, Camila knows this, but she also knows that she's always been stubborn and certainly won't listen to–

"–blow up in our faces. Lauren, you keep saying the same things over and over. I know you're right but– fuck management. I'm coming over to see my girlfriend." Camila hangs up before Lauren has the chance to interrupt her again. While she grabs her phone and key, she stops for think if maybe she really _shouldn't_ do this, for all the reasons Lauren usually hits her with. And then– she leaves. Is out of the door before she can reconsider her choice. Before long, she arrives in front of Lauren's room, knocks, and when she sees her girlfriend– "I can't believe these fuckers make me want to ditch you every goddamn time we're in the same city."

Lauren hugs her. "I know I said it's not safe for you to come over but– can you at least give me a kiss?"

Her pout. Her stupid pout. It gets Camila every single time. Damn Lauren and her eyes and her smile and her hair and her soft skin and her– and her _pout_. She wants to be mad right now. Angry at the world. Management, in particular. But she can't be. "I hate you," she mumbles against Lauren's shoulder. Ends the hug just to lean up and plant a tiny kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

It somehow makes them both relax immediately.

"I think we both know who you actually hate, but I'll let you get away with it."

Camila affectionately rolls her eyes at the words and softly hits Lauren's upper arm. "You're a nerd. And I do hate you."

"I'm hurt," Lauren declares dramatically. "But nah, _mami_ , you really don't." A wink follows.

"I don't– you–" Camila blushes. Well, internally, at least. She can't believe Lauren always manages to turn her into, well, _this_  within seconds. When, ten minutes ago, she was ready to kill a man. Or two. She decides to change the subject. "So what are Norminally up to?" she asks, trying to sound bored. She has a reputation to uphold, after all. And that involves not _physically_ blushing, and not sounding too affected by– _things_. (Fact: The so-called reputation flew out of the window years ago. But she can pretend, alright?) Then, she crosses the room and plops down on the sofa. 

"Gross," Lauren says, approaching the sofa, too. She sits down. Faces Camila. Raises an eyebrow. "Can't believe you call them that."

"Come on, they teased and called us Camren for years. Why can't we have some fun, too?" Camila chuckles. Someone has to laugh at her jokes. And since Lauren hasn't been around too much lately, she's taken over the part.

"They're not even here. So what's the point of–" Camila blinks expectantly at her. Lauren groans and finally replies, "I don't know what they're doing. I don't _want_ to know what they're doing." There's a disgusted look on her face. Maybe it's faked, maybe it's not. "They're probably– making out of something." She moans. "God, Camz, I don't want to think about it. Why'd you have to mention them? I mean holy f–"

Laughing, Camila interrupts her. "As if the things they're supposedly doing are _so_ scandalous. Remember when we–"

Lauren's eyes grow wide. Her hands come to rest on Camila's mouth to prevent her from continuing. "Camila!" she says, shocked.

The look on the girl's face is ridiculous. "Lauren!" Camila mocks back. Or wants to; the name doesn't exactly come out the way she wants it to, considering the fact that her mouth is still very much covered with her girlfriend's hand. She opens her mouth to bite it, but Lauren probably sees it coming because before her teeth can sink down into the flesh, her hand is gone. "Why are you acting like such a prude all of a sudden? I swear it was you who called me mami just–" She doesn't get the chance to finish.

Lauren squeaks, "Shut up!" It's her who blushes this time. Her who hits Camila's shoulder. It's not jokingly at all, though. "I'm not a prude," she tries to explain, "I'm just worried about someone overhearing us."

"But we're not doing anything– juicy." Camila wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

It's met with yet another groan from Lauren. "It doesn't have to be. You know what they say. We can't be seen together. In fact, _they_ don't want us anywhere within a five mile radius of each other." Her tone has a bit of annoyance to it. Bitterness. She can't be blamed, though.

Again, this whole situation is a mess. "I can't believe we regularly go from being upset to being all joke-y to being upset again. No wonder our anxiety gets worse and worse. I can't keep up with this. Seconds ago, we were– and now–"  Camila lets her head sink down onto the back of the couch. Brings her hands up to rub her temples. Yeah, "What a mess."

"A mess," Lauren repeats. She, too, is leaning against the head rest. Looks at Camila. Hums thoughtfully. Then, almost in a whisper, she says, "Ever wonder what it'd be like–"

"All the time." Camila's eyes close.

"Yeah, me too."

"You know we can't, though, Lauren. It'd backfire. In God knows what ways. I try not to think about it. Man, I used to fantasize about how great it'd be to finally be out but– it's not possible. Not in this industry. Especially not right now." How did this get so emotional? Damn. Camila can feel a tear threatening to escape. So she leaves her eyes closed, presses her lips together, and prays that it doesn't.

"You're right," Lauren finally reasons. "Sorry for bringing it up." She leans over and kisses Camila's cheek softly.

It elicits a smile. Makes Camila's features soften.

(If she notices the unshed tear, she doesn't say.)

"I know I said I wouldn't fantasize anymore but– Lauren, one day, we're going to have this conversation again without all of this fear we're feeling right now." Staying positive is good, right? "One far away day, we're going to– to–" Oh, no. She lets out a sob. It's accidental. She doesn't _do_ crying in front of Lauren anymore. 

Or maybe she does. Should.

Lauren immediately reacts and puts an arm around her. "Sh. Baby, it's okay. We knew it wouldn't be easy."

Camila laughs an incredulous laugh. It sounds ridiculous in the midst of all the tears, at least to her own ears, but– "Not easy is one way to put it, Lauren. Do they give a damn about our mental health? No, they don't. Nobody cares."

Lauren turns on the sofa. Moves. Changes the angle to hold Camila tight. With both of her arms. "We have each other."

"But do we really? _Do we_?" Camila pushes the girl off in her anger and stands up. "Does _this_ ," she gestures at their surroundings, "really constitute as _having_ you? Making secret phone calls in the middle of the night, meeting up in random ass coffee shops, running down dark hallways just to see you? Hiding in corners like they do in those horrible spy movies? All of that to– to spend half a day with you? Or, God forbid, a _night_? Lauren, this is too much. We can't–" 

She sees Lauren stare at her. Get up from the sofa as well. Her anxiety is practically screaming at her not to continue into _that_ direction. 

And– "Lauren, I'm not breaking up with you. I wouldn't. I couldn't. But–" She walks towards her girlfriend and lets herself be embraced. "But it's hard. It's so hard and sometimes I wish I could quit just so we–"

"Camila, don't finish that sentence," Lauren practically begs. Her arms tighten around the smaller girl's frame. "I–"

"I love you so fucking much, Lauren, and it hurts not to be able to show it to the world. I want to everyone to know." Camila's crying, sobbing, whimpering into Lauren's neck at this point. She can't get herself to stop. All of this is so painful. Her heart literally aches with the love she feels for her girlfriend. With the love she can't express in public. Isn't allowed to express in public.

Lauren takes a shaky breath, and it sounds like she's getting ready to say something.

Camila's not sure she wants to hear anything right now, but she doesn't stop her girlfriend. She prepares to listen to one of her speeches, to something that is meaningless because, in the end, it doesn't change the fact that their management won't let them be together. Ever.

Instead, Lauren starts singing.

" _Why can't I hold you in the street?_  
_Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor?_  
_I wish that it could be like that_  
_Why can't it be like that?_  
_Cause I'm yours_ "

The song surprises her. Well, not the song, really. It's more Lauren's singing. Hearing it again, so close to her, after such a long time– it's making her even more emotional. Lauren's voice is a gift from heaven – she still thinks so – and, God, the lyrics hit hard. Especially with Lauren putting so much into them. It makes Camila cry harder. She lets the tears flow, not ashamed anymore. She knows she must be messing Lauren's clothes up, but she doesn't care. She simply lets herself be held, allows Lauren to whisper soothing things into her ear.

Until, eventually, she, too, sings. Her words are partly drowned by her tears, but she means them, she needs to get them out, she wants Lauren to know she feels exactly the same way about all of this.

" _Why can't I say that I'm in love?_  
_I want to shout it from the rooftops_  
_I wish that it could be like that_  
_Why can't it be like that?_  
_Cause I'm yours_ "

Lauren joins in for the last two lines.

" _Why can't we be like that?  
Wish we could be like that_ "

They mean everything. The words mean everything. More than anything the two of them have ever spoken or sung. 

Suddenly, a small laugh cuts through the silence. "Thank God for Little Mix."

Lauren grins into Camila's hair. "Maybe I should text Perrie and tell her that they basically just saved us." 

Camila lets go of Lauren and crosses the room to sit on the bed. She signals for Lauren to sit next to her, but the plan is soon out of the window when she lies down, instead. When Lauren has done the same, she faces her and rolls her eyes jokingly. "Jade and Perrie sure are obvious." A lazy grin grazes her features. "But no, don't tell her. She'd never let us live it down."

Lauren lets out a laugh. "You've got a point there. But, seriously, I still can't believe they did that."

"I know, right? That's the kind of blatant I aspire to be one day."

"No offense, but you're kind of already there."

Camila's eyes widen and she slaps Lauren's arm again. "Don't say that!" She makes a shushing noise. "But– wait. What do you mean, I'm already there?"

Lauren's laugh grows louder. "Have you listened to one of your recent songs?"

"Huh?" The confusion she's feeling shows on her face, Camila's fairly certain of that. She blinks a few times as she waits for Lauren's response.

"Honey, they're gay."

"Oh." Camila should be panicking. She really should. But she looks into her favorite pair of eyes, and all she comes up with is, "Whoops?"

**Author's Note:**

> if you leave kudos i will love you forever.


End file.
